Saturday, December 31, 2016

2016, Begone!

2016: A year that robbed us of Gigastars David Bowie and kabuki zero.

And handed to us on a silver platter the racist, sexist, homophobic piece of shit that is Donald Drumpf...

[thanks, Jeffery]

Go fuck yourself, 2016!

The Mistress hopes to return in 2017 with an improved attitude. Call it a New Year's resolution, if you wish. (Good luck with that, I hear you say.)

Until that time, let's remember that there are still pleasures to be found, as the late kabuki zero reminded us six years ago in his 2010 wrap-up...
"This year came and went so badly, it was hard to find pleasure. but here are some things i favored:

cooking outdoors. silk pajamas. godiva dark chocolate. pot roast w/ winter vegetables. hot air balloons (viewed from the ground. kabuki gets vertigo BIG TIME) watching jewelry auction television. hot bubble baths with a good comic book. listening to my parrot, who mostly speaks when i am in another room. old friends. finding out an old flame is still alive - and looking like hell. really nice bed linens. and getting my very own blog, happy one year anniversary to the man who told the world."
-- kabuki zero

Note: Read the Find A Grave memorial to Billy aka kabuki zero here, beautifully written by Cookie.

Thursday, December 29, 2016

Libations for kabuki zero

A libation is a ritual pouring of a liquid as an offering to a god or spirit, or in memory of those who have "passed on".


We here at Infomaniac wish to honour the memory of the late kabuki zero with the ritual pouring of a libation.

kabuki once asked, "every new years' eve kabuki invents a drink. then that is the one drink kabuki has for that year. every year it is a dismal failure. kabuki needs more practice, as kabuki is extremely unhappy with failure. what does the goddess suggest?"

Bitches, what drink would you invent to offer as a libation to kabuki?

Monday, December 26, 2016

kabuki zero: Tribute to a Gigastar

2016 has cruelly bitch-slapped us yet again.

In the words of Infomaniac Bitch kabuki zero, “another year can bite Kabuki’s snow white ass.

Gigastar. Artiste. The Prettiest Ballerina in the World. Kabuki zero has "gone to Fabulon." And we are saddened by our loss.

Kabuki died over the Christmas weekend, following post surgery recovery.

Talk among yourselves, give a good look at that bright eyed youth that was kabuki.

Kabuki penned his brilliant stream of consciousness blog, The man who told the World from the comfort of his double-wide trailer mansion 1970s disco love palace known as "Castle Rock" in the California desert; a home he shared with his dogs and parrots. He was also a fellow contributing beautician at The Hair Hall of Fame.

Kabuki shared (Cher’d?) a birthday with another Gigastar: Cher. Coincidence? We think not. The stars aligned to create fabulosity. Kabuki once exclaimed, “Cher I love you forever. You are my secret girlfriend.

A quote from kabuki’s long-time (since age 17!) friend, Felix in Hollywood:

"In real life, he (kabuki) is as difficult, uncompromising, kind, brilliant and fabulous as his laser-point, razor-sharp stream of conscious writing indicates."

Felix In Hollywood (left) and Kabuki Zero (right) - 1981

"Who says high fashion is painful? To the best of our collective recollection, when the photo was taken, we had consumed, scotch, michelob, couple hits of speed, a dusting of cocaine, and a 750 placidyl each and were feeling no pain. And it was after the picture was taken that we went out to party."

That’s kabuki on the left, Felix in Hollywood on the right, and their trick (one assumes) in between - 1985.

Kabuki remarked that he had a “keen desire to leave a legacy. A mark, a stain, a google, maybe even a scandalous wikipedia entry.

So we here at Infomaniac wish this post to be a tribute in pictures and in his own words to kabuki zero.

kabuki on kabuki:
I am old. I am young. I am foolish. I am reckless. I am alone. I am in pain. I am funny. I am lovable. I'm an idea man. I am attractive. I am opinionated. I am unique. I am talented. I am not forever. I am searching. I am KABUKI ZERO.

kabuki on Norma:
Norma has always been too much talent for one continent. Rumour has it her CD, 'One Night With Norma' is even on the Mars lander. Talent will out - that's what kabuki always says.

kabuki on Mr. Peenee:
Rice-A-Roni is no longer the San Fransico treat. Naked peenee is, and kabuki would like a double portion. Meow.

kabuki on men:
kabuki -star of both stage AND screen - has had to carry the garbage out since 1986. That is the only reason to have a boyfriend, and that is all I would have him do. Unless I spilled something. "Boyfriend - absorb that spilled mai tai." (Instead of absorbing everything in my refridgerator) PLUS - even megastars get lonely. Or so i have been told.

kabuki on learning to cook:
Kabuki followed classic Julia Child on PBS. Self taught via The Joy of Cooking cookbook. Kabuki can cook the devil out of simple American fare. The women folk in kabuki's family are notoriously bad cooks. For four generations. It must be a curse. Thanks goodness for kabuki's penis.

kabuki on fruit and veg:
kabuki is all for the fruit but has now sworn off vegetables. they make kabuki's ass hurt. kabuki may swear off vegetables but kabuki will never swear off fruit.

Once, twice, three times a lady.
kabuki on sex appeal:
kabuki is the type of woman that wars are fought over. also known as 'a fragile flower'. a rare and unique beauty, kabuki is above all a giving woman. with a penis.

kabuki on Infomaniac’s Filthy Friday:
I smell London
I smell France
I smell other people's underpants

Kabuki is once again appalled. It must be Friday.

kabuki on aging:
If kabuki recognized aging then this could possibly have meaning. But kabuki is timeless, and refuses to acknowledge time's cold grasp. It is good to be kabuki.

Kabuki is ageless, timeless, perfection on a stick.

More kabuki quotes:

I need jazz hands and I need them stat!

i am kabukizero - and you are not

Even in the face of misfortune, I have just enough strength to see the funny.

Mirror mirror on the wall - who is the prettiest ballerina in the world? damn right its kabuki!!!

Have you ever mopped a floor in a silk kimono and white face? Kabuki thought not.

kabuki's week was so particularly unpleasant, kabuki asked it to eat a bag of dicks

Great. Phyllis Diller is in heaven and I am stuck on earth with Sarah Silverman.

I've got to boogie oogie oogie till I just can't boogie no more.

So damn hip. So little time.

And finally, from kabuki to all of us:

i would like to express my gratitude to one and all. I am so very blessed to have found so much love and understanding here in the blog verse. Everyone please have some ice cream, on kabuki.

if you hurry there is still time to fit a little joy into today. Make some rice krispy squares, i dare you. fit some fun into your life, because you may not be able to later.

I'm gonna live, live, live untill I die, die, die. love to all.

Now lets all put on a fez, and party like its 1999.

UPDATE: Read the Find A Grave memorial to Billy aka kabuki zero here, beautifully written by Cookie.

Saturday, December 24, 2016

Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah, Bitches!

Christmas tree trimmed?...


Menorah and kosher seasonal spirits in hand?...


Hanukkah is celebrated, in part, by the lighting of a menorah each night.

And no doubt, some of you will "get lit" each night.

This year, Hanukkah/Chanukah overlaps with Christmas -- an occurrence that hasn’t happened since 1978 and won’t take place again until 2027. The Jewish festival begins this year on Dec. 24th and lasts eight days until Jan. 1st.

Mistletoe Belt Buckle fastened? (or unfastened, in some cases)...


Since everything's in check, it's time to proceed to that magical time of year when we gather 'round the tree, menorah, or festive accoutrement of your choice.

We here at Infomaniac wish you a happy holiday season.

Try, for a moment, to forget the year that was, and find delight in your friends, (some) family members, and the fact that there is still good news in this world.

Friday, December 23, 2016

Grab Your Packages

Grab your packages, whether they're big or small.


Only two more days 'til Christmas.

There will be a post tomorrow (December 24th) followed by a couple of days off whilst The Mistress recuperates.

Thursday, December 22, 2016

The Gift of Reading

A reminder.

The final installment of The 2016 Infomaniac Book Challenge will take place in early January. That's when we'll be asking you which books you read during the months of November and December.

We hope you find a good book under your tree this holiday season.

Or why not give the gift of reading? Donate to or enroll a child at no cost in Dolly Parton's Imagination Library; a book gifting program for children from birth to age five.

She'd rather be remembered for books than boobs.

Dolly's nonprofit, early childhood literacy program sends an age-appropriate, free book each month to children from newborn to age 5 in the U.S., Canada, the U.K., and Australia. Dolly created this program to foster a love of reading and learning among preschool children and their families. With your help, every child in every community can be given this precious gift of reading that continues to give throughout their entire life.

Or considering volunteering or donating money to any of these many literacy and book charities.

The consequences of illiteracy are harmful so let's help transform lives and build a world where everyone can read.

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

The Infomaniac Christmas Office Party


If you can remember it, you weren't there.

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Let it Snow

Phoebe Snow, that is...

Released as a single in late 1974, "Poetry Man" became Snow's first charting hit.

Why are we playing this now, here on Infomaniac? Because we could use a break from Christmas carols. And we could all use a gentle time-out from all the madness of 2016, if only for these next few minutes...

Sunday, December 18, 2016

The Infomaniac Christmas Pageant

The Infomaniac Dancers performing in the Infomaniac Christmas Pageant...

(The Mistress makes final costume adjustments)

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

An Homage to Petula Clark

♫Don't sleep in the subway, darlin'♫...


♫Don't stand in the pouring rain♫...


Sing along, Bitches...

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Tan Line Tuesday

For those of you missing summer...


Friday, December 09, 2016

Filthy Friday - Christmas Decorating Edition

Have any of you Bitches started decorating for the holidays yet?

Tuesday, December 06, 2016

Infomaniac Employment Agency

Looking for work?


Your résumé is one of the most important tools you have. 

Submit yours today to the Infomaniac Employment Agency.

Sunday, December 04, 2016

Socks Appeal

Inspired by a photo of men wearing nothing but socks and smiles on Mistress Maddie's recent post, we here at Infomaniac are here to inform you that wearing socks in bed could improve your sex life.

A University of Groningen study found that 80% of people provided with socks to put on were able to orgasm during sex.

That’s compared to just 50% who could achieve orgasm without socks.

Further investigation shows that the people in question were women.

Let's take an informal poll and ask Infomaniac Bitches what you think. Could wearing socks in bed improve your sex life or has it improved your sex life?

Saturday, December 03, 2016

Friday, December 02, 2016

Filthy Friday – Oral Health Edition

Poor dental hygiene may hinder your ability to get an erection.

A study in The Journal of Sexual Medicine has shown that men with Erectile dysfunction are three times more likely to have gum disease than men who do not have Erectile dysfunction.

Brush your teeth, floss, and schedule routine visits to the dentist, Bitches.

Thursday, December 01, 2016

The Fondoodler

The Fondoodler. It's like a hot glue gun for cheese.

The Fondoodler is a reloadable hot gun that melts most types of string, shredded, block or sheet-style cheese in a cylindrical canister, just like a hot glue gun.

Stuff the cheese into the barrel. Then squeeze the trigger and out comes gooey cheese.

What you do with it is your business.

Now available through the Infomaniac Shopping Network or here.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Crimes Against Cheese

If you need a reason to avoid deep-fried fast food or McDonald's or Wisconsin, look no further.

Shitting Gold Bricks

A Royal Canadian Mint employee is guilty of smuggling 22 gold nuggets called "pucks" in his rectum over a period of several months.

The gold pucks are “about the diameter of an Oreo cookie, and about two-and-a-half times as thick.

The pucks are worth a total of $165,000 Cdn.

The thief set off the metal detector more than other employees. Each time it happened, he was given a manual search with a hand-held wand. He passed the search every time. Apparently, the handheld detectors are less sensitive than the walk-through detectors and do not detect metal in body cavities.

Ontario Court Justice, Peter Doody said of the thief:
"His locker contained Vaseline and latex gloves, which could have been used to insert a puck into his rectum."
He added that there were no cameras in the locker room. Since the arrest, security measures have been upgraded at the facility.

Note: We here at Infomaniac do not recommend using your rectum as a carryall.

Monday, November 28, 2016

Tied Up


Back soon, Bitches. The Mistress has work to do.

NOTE: If you find yourselves at loose ends today, go on over and wish our Savannah a happy 10th blogging anniversary.

Sunday, November 27, 2016

Sticky Fingers

This summer, in what may be the most Canadian crime ever, a storage facility near Montreal's Trudeau Airport was robbed of 20,000 litres of maple syrup.

This isn't the first crime of its kind in Canada. The Great Maple Syrup Heist of 2012 saw $18,000,000-worth of maple syrup stolen. Police recovered only about 70 per cent of the stolen syrup and say some syrup may have gone to the U.S.


This just in...

Police have uncovered $30,000 worth of stolen Nutella as part of a major investigation into a crime syndicate linked to drug trafficking, car theft and a kidnapping plot in Canada.


An entire truckload of Nutella was discovered in a Canadian warehouse along with about $5 million of stolen goods, including luxury cars, car parts, e-cigarettes and alcohol, as well as drugs and weapons.

Arrests have been made.

Note: We hope this breaking news item has distracted you from that other thing that's being discussed in Canada right now.

Saturday, November 26, 2016

Remote Control Revolution

1955: Eugene J. Polley invented the first wireless TV remote control:  
The Flash-Matic.

Mr. Polley with his Flash-Matic.

This ray-gun remote control came on the market just as television sets were becoming popular in North American households.

Mr. Polley's invention wasn't the first TV remote control. In 1950, Zenith released the Lazy Bones, a device tethered to the television by a long cord. The Lazy Bones allowed viewers to change channels and turn the set on and off from their seats, but the cord proved dangerous and inelegant.

The Flash-Matic used a light beam to send signals to four receptors in the corners of the TV set. The top corners received signals to change channels; the bottom corners received signals to mute or turn off the set.

The Flash-Matic was not without problems. People couldn't remember which corner of the screen controlled what. And worse...the light sensors sometimes mistook changes in light, including sunsets and ill-placed floor lamps, for commands. 

“Absolutely harmless to humans!” Flash-Matic advertisements promised. “You can even shut off annoying commercials while the picture remains on the screen!”

Looking back on his invention, Mr. Polley had mixed emotions...

It makes me think maybe my life wasn’t wasted. Maybe I did something for humanity — like the guy who invented the flush toilet.

Everything has to be done remotely now or forget it. Nobody wants to get off their fat and flabby to control these electronic devices.

2016: The Mistress test-drives the Flash-Matic and discovers she can make cocktails magically appear...

Anyone care to join me?