Thursday, September 26, 2013

I've Fallen But I CAN Get Up

Mistress MJ has been down...

But she is about to dust herself off and get back up again!...

[photos via]

I shall be out-of-town for several days but I look forward to visiting with you Bitches upon my return.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013


Due to a series of unfortunate events, Mistress MJ has retreated to her fainting chaise but will return when the sombre mood has lifted.

Wenis Wednesday

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

In Bed (And Breakfast) With Mitzi

It's time to remove your blindfolds as we reveal our surprise MYSTERY GUEST!

Our special GUEST BLOGGER (Infomaniac's first guest blogger ever!) is our MITZI from England. Mitzi has written a shocking, tell-all account of her trip to The Royal Albion Hotel, situated on the South coast of England in Brighton.

Take it away, Mitzi!

The Royal Albion Hotel Brighton

The Royal Albion Hotel is a Regency style hotel.

It looks magnificent and if you squint, really squint, you could almost mistake it for Buckingham Palace...

The Royal Albion Hotel Brighton: THE REALITY

After a staggering eight an half hour journey, we finally arrived at the Royal Albion hotel.

Reception area all fur coat and no knickers.

We were greeted by a cat in the hallway doing something unmentionable with it’s tongue, to it’s nether regions. When our coach party had gathered together at the reception area, we were given a brief talking to by the receptionist, about meal times etc. She looked like a walking tomb and as old as Methuselah. She had two front teeth missing which made it difficult for any of us to understand a word she was saying.

This way

As she handed out our key, I asked her what time breakfast was. I wished I hadn’t because she had halitosis that could have stripped paint.

Room with a view

Later, as I was inspecting the room, I thought back about the cat I saw earlier on and realised that the poor beast was only making an effort to clean itself, which is something the staff at the Royal Albion failed to do to our room.

Would you park your arse on that?

I sat down gingerly on the bed and looked around at the dismal surroundings. The walls were stark and bare.

The carpet was old, threadbare, covered in stains and hadn’t seen a Hoover since ABBA won the Eurovision Song Contest with Waterloo.

Meg Mortimer sees a stain on the carpet.

There was not a piece of gold or velvet to be seen. I shuddered at the lack of opulence around me. Carmen (my maid) sat on her bed and began to laugh. Then I began to laugh. We laughed until our sides ached. The hilarity helped to hide the fact that we were staying in a complete and utter shithole.

The tea making facilities were barely adequate. Two coffee sachets, two tea-bags, four sachets of sugar and four mini UHT milk cartons. No biscuits!

Breakfast was a grim affair. We had to share a table with a couple of strangers! Can you imagine that? An old couple from Leeds. Their table manners left a lot to be desired. They both licked their knives and, horror of horrors, the man leant over on one buttock to let a noise escape saying, ‘better out, then in.’ I left after that, gave them both a withering look and never returned to the dining room for the duration of the holiday; choosing instead, to eat out.

I put all my complaints into the customer feedback book, and added that the black mold spores growing on the window were a nice touch, but the skid mark on the towel was revolting!

The only good thing about the Royal Albion hotel was leaving it.

Note from Mistress MJ: Thank you, GUEST BLOGGER Mitzi, for this informative hotel review. 

We hope one day to read another installment of "In Bed (And Breakfast) With Mitzi."... a must-read for the discerning traveller.

Photos of the hotel via TripAdvisor.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Mystery Guest

Tomorrow we'll have a guest blogger here on Infomaniac.

Can you guess the identity of our Mystery Guest?

To make sure that you don't peek, we've blindfolded you, our panel.

And can you guess what our mystery guest might have on tap as a topic?

Go ahead. Ask questions. But don't expect us to reveal the answer until tomorrow.

We think you'll be pleasantly surprised when our guest blogger's identity is revealed.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Let's Bring Back: Part Six, T-Z

Welcome to Part Six of "Let's Bring Back." If you missed our discussion on what this is all about, click here.

Note: If an item on this list is highlighted in blue, you can click on it, if you wish, for a description.

Let's bring back...

Table manners


Table etiquette is a topic we'll explore further in future but for now, here are the basics of what diners need to know but don't always remember:

1. Chew with your mouth closed and do not talk with food in your mouth.
2. Turn your cell phone off at the table.
3. Always say "please" and "thank you."

I should also like to point out that pleasant dinner conversation does not include the details of your colonoscopy.


Bespoke clothing for men and women are made-to-order, hand-made garments, customized specifically for you, by a skilled tailor. Your pattern is then stored by the tailor for future reference should you wish to order another garment.

Bespoke suits fit beautifully and comfortably and are of the highest craftsmanship. Every man should enjoy the luxury of owning a bespoke suit.

Be advised: Your tailor may ask whether you dress to the right or the left. Depending on your answer, the tailor will cut the cloth of your trousers to accommodate your "member" to make sure you get the best possible fit.

Top hats for formal occasions

Not only will you look dapper, a top hat will conceal your bald spot.



Our Normadesmond never leaves home without a turban.



It wasn't long ago that typewriters were a standard piece of equipment in every office and in many homes.

Times have changed...

...but my love of the typewriter lingers.

I like the clickety-clack sound they make as you strike the keys and the cheery "ding" of the bell as you approach the end of a line of prose.

I'm sure nobody today misses using correction fluid. There is definitely something to be said for the "delete" button on computers. Nor do you have to deal with jammed keys and changing the ribbon on a computer as you do on a typewriter. But consider this...typewriters, unlike computers, were built to last a lifetime.

Typewriters of famous people...


But is the typewriter dead? Those who belong to the typosphere are keeping it alive.

Typewriter enthusiasts take note: A documentary film entitled "The Typewriter (In The 21st Century)" has received a distribution deal. You can watch the trailer here.

Vanity tables

A vanity table is a "dressing table used to apply makeup, preen, and coif hair. The table is normally quite low and similar to a desk, with drawers and one or more mirrors atop. Either a chair or bench is used to sit upon."

A well-dressed vanity table would include matching hand mirrors and hairbrushes as part of a "toilette set."

The word "mirror" was once considered vulgar and middle-class by the upper classes who referred to mirrors instead as "looking glasses."

Wouldn't you feel more glamorous getting ready for your soirée at a vanity table?


Think Oscar Wilde or Dorothy Parker...

...or our very own Infomaniac Bitches.

Give yourselves a round of applause.

You're all FABULOUS and a constant source of amusement to me.

The Ziegfeld Follies

Let's bring back the lavish song and dance revues that were the Ziegfeld Follies. Famous for its top entertainers and beautiful chorus girls (known as Ziegfeld Girls,) these elaborate theatrical productions ran from 1907 through 1931 on Broadway.

Above: Dolores Costello: Ziegfeld Girl and Drew Barrymore's grandmother. Note that she is standing in front of a "dressing screen" which we brought back in Part Two of this series.

Ziegfeld Girls who went on to fame include Barbara Stanwyck, Paulette Goddard, Joan Blondell, Louise Brooks, Gypsy Rose Lee, and Josephine Baker, amongst others.

Their daring, dazzling, opulent costumes were worth the price of admission alone, designed by the likes of Erté and Lady Duff Gordon.

Ziegfeld Girls: The Dolly Sisters

Mary Nolan aka Imogene Wilson, Cobra costume, Ziegfeld Follies, 1920

We here at Infomaniac would not only like to bring back the Ziegfeld Follies, we'd like to see an all-male revue too!

Which of the above would you Bitches like to bring back?

And would you add anything to this "T-Z" list?

Friday, September 13, 2013

Let's Bring Back: Part Five, P-S

Welcome to Part Five of "Let's Bring Back." If you missed our discussion on what this is all about, click here.

Note: If an item on this list is highlighted in blue, you can click on it, if you wish, for a description.

Let's bring back...

Peggy Guggenheim sunglasses

You're well aware of my obsession with Peggy Guggenheim sunglasses.


You've all seen this sign in my scroll bar to the right of this post...

It was designed by our Miss Scarlet who exhibits beautiful penmanship (with her deft nibs) in the form of calligraphy.

Not everyone has the patience nor the talent of Miss Scarlet but we here at Infomaniac say let's bring back penmanship: the art or skill of writing by hand.

The writing is on the wall, so to speak, for cursive in today's school curriculum. At least 41 states in the USA do not require public schools to teach cursive reading or writing; preferring to teach keyboarding skills.

Perfume atomizers

and Powder puffs

You'll feel like a glamorous Hollywood movie star with your perfume atomizers and powder puffs.

Keep them on your vanity table, which we don't bring back until Part Six.

This antique, hand-painted, French perfume atomizer is a steal at $275.00 and is available from this site if you should be in the market for a gift for me...


Red cabooses on trains

Children would always wait for the caboose to appear at the end of the freight train and they'd wave to the conductor and he'd smile and wave back at them.

Who do children wave to now?

Rolltop desks

You won't find these at IKEA...

Above: Roll top desk with cover closed.

Above: Roll top desk with cover open.

Roll top desks were usually made of hardwood like oak or walnut. The roll top desk had a cover that rolled up or down to reveal or conceal the contents of the desk. You didn't have to clear off your desk at the end of the day. You could simply draw down the cover to conceal your paperwork.

This gentleman has rolled the cover of his desk back to reveal the writing surface...

My favourite features are the numerous cubbyholes and compartments (including secret compartments!) of various sizes, used for storing stationery and files...

Sealing wax

For those who still practice the art of letter writing, sealing wax adds a beautiful final touch.

And it eliminates the need to lick the envelope!

A word of caution that you're "playing with fire" when using sealing wax. Apply in a well-ventilated room and make sure your hairdo doesn't contain too much AquaNet Hairspray.

Silver Tea Sets

Fancy a cuppa?

Take time for tea and serve it in style.

Components of a typical sterling silver tea set or "tea service" vary but may include a tray, tea pot, coffee pot (for those who prefer coffee), creamer, sugar bowl, and waste bowl. You might wish to round out your tea set with sugar tongs, a strainer or tea ball, a silver teaspoon, and, of course, a porcelain china teacup.

If the tea set pictured above isn't your cup of tea, try a different style like this Art Deco beauty...

Silver is susceptible to tarnishing so your tea set will need polishing. But isn't that what houseboys are for?


Before Jonathan Adler and his Vice Collection, there were snuffboxes for your snuff.


In the market for a pair of spats? They’re available here.

And if you're going do-mi-do-ing, you'll want your lavender spats...


Which of the above would you Bitches like to bring back?

And would you add anything to this "P-S" list?

Come back soon for Let's Bring Back: Part Six.