Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Show Me Your Pussy!

MJ’s beautiful pussy

Show me your pussy! And all your other four-legged friends too.

Last year we asked you to send in photos of your critter companions and we posted the pics here.

It’s time once again to email pics of your furry or feathered friends along with a wee description of them.

You have until next Monday, October 6th to email your photographs. (Email address is in my Blogger Profile).

Your pics will appear here in a posting on Wednesday, October 8th.

And now a word from Old Knudsen’s bitch…

Fetch me your photos!

Monday, September 29, 2008

Happy Birthday, CyberPete!

(sung to the tune of Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band)

It was thirty years ago today
A Danish woman gave birth to a gay

He’s quite swishy but he has lots of style

And he’s guaranteed to raise a smile

So may I introduce to you,
The act you’ve known all these years,
CyberPoofter, leader of the band!...

Happy Birthday to CyberPete: our favourite Dane AND current custodian of The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts!

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Donn’s Dong

Hot Canadian men. An oxymoron? Not anymore!


Our Donn (pictured above) has offered to flaunt his fiddlestick here on Infomaniac!

Previously, Mistress MJ had threatened to post pics of naked old men on this blog for the rest of her blogging days unless each and every one of you sent in pics of your pricks.

Donn, fearing a lifetime spent staring at wizened old weenie, piped up, “I’ll do anything to stop you posting pics of those nasty old men!” and gallantly produced a pic of his pyjama python.

Do you recall seeing Tickers’ alleged anaconda?...

Tickers’ todger

Well, Tickers’ tiny todger pales in comparison to the Donn Ding-a-ling…

Donn's dong

Top that, bitches!

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Happy Birthday, Frobisher!

Spanish rent boy (left) and Mr. Frobisher (right)

Newcomers to Infomaniac may well scratch their heads and ask, “Who is this Frobisher you speak of?”

Veteran Infomaniac bitch Mr. Frobisher has been holidaying in Spain for several months; hence the shocking lack of updates on his blog and the can’t-be-bothered-to-comment attitude here on Infomaniac.

Frobi’s been too busy shagging rent boys, having his wigs backcombed, and making meatloaf to do something as pedestrian as blogging.

But let’s get down to the meat of the matter.

Frobisher’s meatloaf is legendary. It’s even more celebrated than Ma Beastie’s Chickpea Curry!

Frobi’s famous meatloaf (stolen from Ms. Nations and modified for a British palette)

In celebration of Frobi’s birthday, Infomaniac has ghost written his autobiography entitled, “Life, Loves and Meat Loaf: A Cook Book for the Bachelor-Minded Male”…

Note that for the sake of his old ma in Dorset who hasn’t given up hoping Frobi will give her grandchildren, I’ve surrounded Mr. Frobisher with beautiful beach beauties.

However, I’ve subtly displayed secret symbolism with the huge baguette!

Read into it what you will.

But the fun’s not over yet! In lieu of a birthday cake, Infomaniac has prepared a very special meatloaf.

Click here and enjoy.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Filthy Friday

Yesterday, I posted a simple request with simple instructions.

But it seems that some of you bitches think you can pass off photos like this as your Longrod Von Hugenstein...

Nice try, Tickers

Or reader Ron Knee moaning that this is his prick; the prick that is plaguing his life and everybody else’s in England…

Mistress MJ will not be fooled by cheap imitations.

Send me the real thing, all of you, or suffer the consequences of pics of naked old men on this blog for the rest of my blogging days…

Do as Mistress MJ says, bitches

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Happy Birthday, Kaz!

Kaz’s mad scientist hair

Birthday gal KAZ has to share her special day with a penis competition.

And she doesn’t even get first billing.

Nonetheless, have a drink on Infomaniac and toast our favourite Mancunian.

Now bend over and take what’s coming to you, Kaz…

You're absolutely fabulous, sweetie dahling.

p.s. It’s also the birthday of blogless Infomaniac bitch Alasdair but he’s travelling at the moment, probably in a pub as we speak, and unable to join us.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Filthy Friday

Your guess is as good as mine as to what’s going on here.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Domestic Dispute of the Day

Welcome to a new series on Infomaniac entitled Domestic Dispute of the Day in which we examine domestic quarrels that got out of hand.

THE DOMESTIC DUO: Briana Lin Pouncy, 20, and her boyfriend, Joseph Boykins, 21.

The pugnacious Ms. Pouncy

THE DISTRICT: Fort Worth, Texas, USA.

THE DISPUTE: Ms. Pouncy bit Mr. Boykins, broke a picture frame across his face and swung at him with a sword during an argument about him not doing the dishes.

Mr. Boykins told police that he and Ms. Pouncy had become involved in an argument because Ms. Pouncy was upset that the dishes were not clean. She told Mr. Boykins to leave the apartment, which he refused to do.

Ms. Pouncy then tried to physically remove Mr. Boykins. During the ensuing struggle, Ms. Pouncy bit Mr. Boykins' right shoulder and broke a picture frame across his face, causing visible cuts.

She then grabbed an approximately 2-foot sword and swung it at Mr. Boykins, missing him.

THE DISCIPLINE: Ms. Pouncy was released from jail after posting a $10,000 bond. She faces an aggravated assault charge.

Although Mistress MJ has a team of houseboys at hand, she prefers to do the washing up herself as she considers it quality downtime in which to daydream of shoe shopping excursions in Paris and Rome ... and men's bottoms.

Besides, it gives the houseboys a break betwixt preparing her dinner and serving her evening cocktails.

But for the rest of you, this situation begs the question…

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Perv of the Day

Welcome to another edition of Perv of the Day.

Infomaniac will, from time to time, seek out the perviest perverts and parade them pantless in front of you, the judge and jury.

THE PERV: A cheeky vandal known as the “Butt Bandit”. Described by police as tall and slender and having hair with a "1980s, feathered look.”

THE PLACE: Valentine, Nebraska, USA; a town of about 2,650 people known as “The Heart City”.

THE PERVERSION: The Butt Bandit greases up his buttocks and genitals with Vaseline and leaves his imprint on windows around town.

Old Knudsen spotted in vicinity with a tube of this...

The incidents started more than a year ago and he has vandalized schools, businesses, hotels and even churches.

"This is not normal behavior for Valentine," Cherry County Attorney Eric Scott said. "It's not funny or something people want to be exposed to."

THE PUNISHMENT: The Butt Bandit is still on the loose but Mistress MJ hopes he will be caught and sent to Infomaniac for punishment.

Infomaniac has ruled out Manuel as the perp because hairs would have been left behind on the windows as evidence…

Manuel's arse

Monday, September 15, 2008

What Did I Miss?

For the past couple of days, I’ve been encased in my Sensory Deprivation Skull and couldn’t come ‘round to your blogs.

What have I missed?

Tell me about your latest posting(s) and I’ll pop over to see you.

Make your description sound enticing as I might not have time to visit everyone today.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Infomaniac For Beginners

Hearken back to the days when you were once an Infomaniac neophyte.

Do you remember the first day you tread hesitantly onto Infomaniac’s pages?

Or, like Inner Voices, did you blatantly jump in head first, leaving a trail of piss behind you?

In any case, you were all once Infomaniac virgins.

And so we find ourselves today with a pair of virgins to be sacrificed on the altar of Mistress MJ: Walker from Canada and Treespotter from Indonesia.

Our newcomers may well be wondering what portal of doom they’ve entered.

They may be curious as to how to conduct themselves; the proper etiquette befitting an Infomaniac bitch; rules and regulations to follow; policies and procedures; jargon and lingo and hazing rituals and such.

It is your duty as Infomaniac veterans to inform our new readers (and any folk who may be lurking cautiously) as to what to expect here on Infomaniac.

Go on then.

Give our new readers a crash course in

Note: New readers and lurkers may jump in at any time with questions or concerns.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Filthy Friday

Can you help the people who’ve arrived on Infomaniac via Google searches, looking for the answers to these questions?…

How far should you put your tongue up your girls arse?

Does fingering your arse hurt?

How to expand your arse?

If you know the answer to any of the above questions, please leave your answer in the comments box.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Happy Birthday, Inner Voices!

Happy 33rd birthday, Voices!

You’re still young enough to burn the candle at both ends…

There’s a room full of The Women of Infomaniac just waiting to get their hands on you…

And further down the hall, the Men of Infomaniac are waiting their turn to party with the birthday boy…

You’re going to need an energy boost to please everyone so help yourself to the birthday cake…

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Lick My Armpit

Lick my armpit, bitches.

You know you want to.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

The Bright Side of Life

It has come to Mistress MJ’s attention that two of our readers are dealing with serious health issues.

XL is having prostate problems. Bend over, darlin', and I’ll give you a second opinion…

And Robyn has been diagnosed with thyroid cancer. Mistress MJ kicks your cancer in the crotch, Miss Robyn. I tell it to fuck off, right now.

No doubt there are others amongst us experiencing difficulties of all sorts. Therefore it is Mistress MJ’s duty to cheer you all up with a little ditty that never fails to lift her spirits. It’s even better than Fukitol!

For the benefit of the accent-impaired Yanks in the audience, I have taken the liberty of transcribing the lyrics, below the video. (song starts after a brief spoken word segment)…

Always look on the bright side of life.
Always look on the light side of life.
If life seems jolly rotten,
There's something you've forgotten,
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps,
Don't be silly chumps.
Just purse your lips and whistle. That's the thing.
Always look on the bright side of life.
Always look on the right side of life,
For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word.
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin.
Give the audience a grin.
Enjoy it. It's your last chance, anyhow.
Always look on the bright side of death,
Just before you draw your terminal breath.
Life's a piece of shit,
When you look at it.
Life's a laugh and death's a joke. It's true.
You'll see it's all a show.
Keep 'em laughing as you go.
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
Always look on the bright side of life.
Always look on the right side of life.
Always look on the bright side of life!
Always look on the bright side of life!
Always look on the bright side of life!
Always look on the bright side of life!
Always look on the bright side of life!
Always look on the bright side of life!
Always look on the bright side of life!
Always look on the bright side of life!

Monday, September 08, 2008

Oh, Fukitol

Mistress MJ suppresses the urge to overmedicate.

Friday, September 05, 2008

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Claim Your Cock!

A happy Infomaniac reader with his recovered Roto-rooter…

Are you missing your genitalia as a result of the Invasion of the Penis Snatchers?

Could one of these fine specimens be yours?...

If you can correctly identify your manhood, drop by Infomaniac and we’ll gladly reunite you with your missing member.

Mrs. Bollix correctly identifies Bollix’s crown jewels…

Although the perp has yet to be captured, Inner Voices was seen driving away from the pool party with a truckload of pink parts…

Unclaimed penises remain the property of Infomaniac and will be turned into decorative necklaces for Mistress MJ…

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Weenie Roast

At the suggestion of our friend First Nations, Infomaniac is hosting a wiener roast and everyone’s invited.

Afterall, we can’t allow the Invasion of the Penis Snatchers to rain on our parade, now can we?

Nations and Mistress MJ want YOU to enjoy some fun on a bun!

Chef-in-training Beast is on loan today for us all the way from Café C in scenic downtown Dorchester, England…

IVD dons traditional French costume as your serving wench…

Saucisson, anyone?

Mr. Frobisher takes time out from “Frobisher’s Country Kitchen on Tour!” (currently in Spain) to sample our wares…

Frobi: I love a big juicy wiener, I do.

Kapitano likes nothing better than to chow down on a weenie. Open wide, Kapi!...

Funny, isn’t it, how many little wieners we have on hand for this cookout? One wonders where such an abundant supply came from.


And now a word from Garfer

I’m glad you’re all having a laff while chaos reigns around us. The Penis Snatcher has struck again! I bent over to pick up the soap and came up with missing genitalia. Right. Go on and enjoy your hot dogs, you miserable bastards.

Help yourselves to our appetizers as we sort this out…

Continued tomorrow!