Thursday, May 01, 2008

Celebrity Arse – Jake Gyllenhaal

Today’s request for Celebrity Arse is from everyone’s favourite witch, Inexplicable DeVice (IVD).

IVD is foaming at the mouth to see Jake Gyllenhaal’s arse.

See Jake’s lovely face before you ogle his botty

So Infomaniac's people got in touch with Jake’s people …

Hello Jake? Infomaniac here.

And here’s what Jake had to say:

IVD wants to see my arse? Really?…

Hey IVD. Jake here. You wanna see my arse? That’s kinda private. How about my nipple instead?…

I gotta walk my dogs first. Ooops. Here’s a wee preview for you…

The more I think of you, IVD, the stiffer I get. Oh IVD, "Jake Jake the Trouser Snake" can’t wait to break free from his prison! ...

It’s so stiff you can hang your hat off my Rocket to Uranus…

Morning wood!…

I’m getting hot thinking about you, IVD. Gotta work it off. I bet you’d like to be under me right now, wouldn’t you, you little tramp?…

Listen up. Here’s the deal you little slut. You do what I say and I’ll show you my arse…

Ooooo yeah, baby!

Since you’ve been such a good boy for daddy, I’m gonna show you my arse …

Are you ready?…

Now zoom in!…


“Jake G Does IVD” … soon to be a major motion picture.


  1. This post was awesome. The perfect amount of anticipation and climax.

  2. Sweet. I need a cigarette now...

  3. Oh, Jake! Yes!! I'll do anything you want!

    Even rip the face off some girl and let you do me up against a crappy old Led Zep poster!

    Thanks for getting us in touch, MJ.

    What an arse!!

  4. Mental note: Need. To. See. Jarhead.

  5. DINAH: Thanks but I felt it could have done with more tongue.

    RANDOM: If you smoke after sex, you’re doing it too fast.

    IVD: Robert Plant will sing, “You've been coolin' - baby, I've been droolin'” as Jake drills you up against the poster.

    You’re anyone’s for a song, aren’t you, you cheap little trollop?

    T-BIRD: Dinah dropped by, IVD’s been round, and now you show up.

    What is this?

    A meeting of the Coven of Hags?

    Oh my, look at the time. I must get some sleep before Dora pops in.

  6. oh my. What a way to start the day, what with me still in bed an' all. Thankfully.

  7. Now that's the perfect start to the day. Nice one MJ

  8. mj-You do suspense better than Hitchcock.
    And you do arses better as well.

  9. That's a girl in the Led Zeppelin poster picture?? I should really put on my glasses

    Jake G is HAWT

    Great post MJ


  10. cigarette hell...i need a cigar after that one...damn fine ass there MJ...good job woman!

  11. BITTERSWEET: Do you have a laptop?

    Then you can stay in bed with him all day!

    TATAS: You can barely contain yourself by the looks of it.

    KAZ: Unlike Hitchcock, I’m not obsessed with blondes.

    Nor do I recall Eva Marie Saint or Grace Kelly ever baring their arses on screen.

    CYBERSLUT: I imagine your illicit lover pins you up against a Kylie poster in your bedroom and gives you a thorough going-over, doesn’t he?

    DAISY: You can’t go wrong with a Cuban Parejo Galaxia.

    At a whopping 10-inches long and an ample 100 ring gauge (that’s almost 2 inches thick!) it’s a satisfying smoke.

  12. Sorry to disappoint you MJ but...

    I don't have any Kylie posters in my bedroom

  13. Bless you, my good woman. You are doing the Lord's work, bringing hot ass shots to the poor horny masses.

    I'd love to pinch that bum.

  14. CYBERPOOFTER: Aqua poster?

    PRU: We really should be working on this project together what with your specialty being celebrities and mine being arse.

  15. No posters, I'm not 12 anymore

    and don't even go there!

  16. That boy's trainer should be given an Oscar.

    Hell, give his ass an Oscar too.

  17. CYBERSLUT: According to your personal ad, you ARE a 12-year-old boy.

    BOXER: Or we could spray paint Jake gold and stand him on a reel of film.

    And hand him out to worthy bloggers.

  18. Tee-hee

    Where did you manage to find it?

  19. damn, i thought you might throw in some complimentary pics of his sister... those abs arent real either...

    *lifts own shirt, pats belly and says "its okay big guy, his tool shed is that small for a reason", lowers shirt and goes back to work*

  20. CYBERPOOF: Oh honey, who HASN’T seen it?

    VOICES: You’re full of surprises.

    I didn’t have you pegged as a shirt lifter.

  21. *still laughing at own comment*

    damn you... outed again.

    *walks away patting belly and mumbling about lifting shirt in public...*

  22. I am suffering from 'Arse' Fatigue.
    If I see one more nekkid Arse I will bite someone (on the arse)

  23. VOICES: *stares disapprovingly at Voices’ “just fell off a chuckwagon” look*

    That outfit isn’t working.

    If you were gay, you’d try harder.

    BEAST: So bite me.

    *peruses photo files for saggy old man butt*

  24. I like that idea, but it looks like your others are tiring of ass, gold plated or not.

    What's up with Ass-Fatique? I say more!

  25. Jake has to grow an arse. What a cheek, no more bum posts yer blog has turned into the butt of many jokes yer making an ass of yerself stop spreading this bottom of the piles crap and post some naked weemen you bottom feeder.

  26. BOXER: We've all seen the state of Beast's arse.

    He's just jealous.

    KNUDSEN: *consults Infomaniac daytimer*

    No nekkid weemen 'til Saturday.

    You won't like what you see on Friday, I'll tell you that much right now.

    Why don't you go after the REAL offenders of the blogosphere, like Voices? Voices has gone and posted a link to a YouTube!

    But I told him it's probably okay to post the link as long as he doesn't post the actual video directly onto his blog.

    We can't find the exact passage for that in the Knudsen Nation manual.

  27. Hmm, I read the Knudsen nation link you sent I while ago - it's at the endish of the list after all the fight club ones.

    You mean Saturday is going to be more gross than freaky Friday?

  28. Who cares about Saturday? I'm staying here in Thursday! Mmmmm...

  29. T-BIRD: Yes, it's the 13th Rule of The Knudsen Nation.

    However, it isn't specific.

    Therefore I think that Voices and I should choose to interpret it's meaning as it's okay to post a link to a YouTube but not post the actual video smack onto your blog.

    Saturday won't necessarily be gross. Just co-ed.

    IVD: Let's do the time warp again.

  30. damn, damn, damn, damn, sugar! *sigh*

    (he's just so young...compared to me, i feel so. . .


  31. SAVANNAH: Is he old enough to have a driver's license?

    Then he's old enough to "drive your car."

    Beep beep'm beep beep yeah!

  32. LMBO!ohmygawd, mj! i love you! xoxo

  33. SAVANNAH: You love Old Knudsen too but then who doesn't?